From the archive, originally posted by: [ spectre ]
Laws of the Crown
A) Adjust size and be the first to place on head.
B) Whoever places the Crown on his or her head first, then in a loud
voice proclaims, “I am the King,” is from that moment forward in
charge. Rule ends if Crown is removed (see Coup d’etat). Crownings can
happen anywhere, at any time.
1. There can only be one King.
2. The King always gets his/her way.
3. The King must speak with some kind of cool accent.
4. The King makes all the important decisions governing selection of TV
channels, movies, radio stations, as well as popular activites like
snowboarding, pool hopping, and cow tipping. The King also determines
who gets the remote, who rides “shotgun,” and, of course, who pays.
5. Rule ends when Crown is removed for more than 3 seconds (see Three
6. Disagreement with the King results in a “penalty.” This is decided
by the King. Common penalties include: forfeiture of fries, surrender
of video game controller, and banishment from office cubicle.
Three Second Law
The King’s rule ends when the Crown is removed from their head for any
reason, accidental or otherwise. The first person to exclaim, “One . .
. Two . . . Three . . . King” may claim the Crown.
In the Event of a Tie
If two people Crown themselves King simultaneously, the person whose
birth date is closest to December 4, 1954 (date the first BURGER KING
restaurant opened) is King.
If everyone agrees you completely stink as King, your rule may be
renounced. This constitutes a Coup d’etat. A new King may be Crowned if
the group can reach a unanimous decision. If not, the Three Second Law
If you are eating in a BURGER KING restaurant, your rule extends all
the way to the edge of the parking lot. Off restaurant grounds, your
rule extends to a radius of 10 feet around you in any direction.
WARNING: This BURGER KING Crown is made of paper. Your rule may end
prematurely if Crown is exposed to water or flame.
(These laws are printed on the inside of the Burger King crown, and
they are copyrighted accordingly.)